my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
