Do you still have your period?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
