I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
