i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
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I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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