he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
