I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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