would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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