hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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