Don't make out with my wife yet
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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