Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
