He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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