you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
