Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dick very happy bro
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
