her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
