I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
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