so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
