I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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