why do cheetos always look like penises
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm both gender and math confused
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
