Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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