I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
