I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
