Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
