Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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