you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
