dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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