And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
