His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
