"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
