I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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