hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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