literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
