I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
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I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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