I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He did a backflip because drugs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
