Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
