You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
