My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
