But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
