i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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