final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
