i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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