Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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