Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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