If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
