In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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