Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
