i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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