why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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