And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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