At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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