____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
