another moral hangover. fuck.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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