Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
