I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
