Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I said "one day" and that day is not today
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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