I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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