FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
