Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
me + whiskey = a bad person
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
