i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
