Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
