how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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