Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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