How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There r osticjed everywhere
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
