i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
